Laughter Remedies

The interviewer asked an old man on his 99th birthday the secrets to his longevity. He replied, "For better digestion I drink beer. In case of appetite loss I drink white wine. In case of low blood pressure I drink red wine. In the event of high blood pressure I drink whiskey. When I have a cold I drink scotch.”

The interviewer was amazed and inquired, "When do you drink water?"

"I don't." he responded, "I've never been that sick."

Cheers.

Michael from Down Under

A Quote from"The Two Ronnies":-

"And in a packed show tonight, we'll be talking to an out-of-work contortionist who can no longer make ends meet".

(P.S. Any advice to assist him/her?)

Medical Notes:-

And Corporal Clappy is not a happy chappy. Still, you can't be a saint with his complaint. No, nobody similes with piles. Still, it's worse for the nurse.

From Barmy Army

Doctor: "Do any of your family members suffer from Insanity?"

Patient: "No doctor, most of them are quite happy with it."

Psychiatrist (to Patient lying on couch): "Now you must be completely open and honest with me if I am to help you lead a better life. What seems to be troubling you?"

Patient: "Doctor, I have this insatiable urge and compulsion to eat cocktail glasses. I just can't help myself."

Psychiatrist: "Oh my goodness, what, you eat the whole glass?"

Patient: "Yes the whole thing. Oh, except for the stems of course! "

Psychiatrist: "Oh dear, you really ought to try them. They're the best part."

AND

Doctor: "Nurse Jones, did you take this Patient's temperature?"

Nurse Jones: "No Doctor. Why? Is it missing?"

Cheers, Michael

"Doctor, Doctor, My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film! "
"Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops."

Cheers, Michael

I went to my Doctor last week and I asked him, "Do you have anything for wind"?

He gave me a kite!

This Guy goes to his Doctor and says:

"Doctor, doctor, I am really worried! I think I have broken my arm in several places. I need your advice. What should I do?"

And the Good Doctor says:

"I strongly urge you not to go back to those places".

This guy goes to the Doctor and says,

"Doctor, doctor, I am really worried, I am shrinking! I am getting smaller each and every day, you have to help me!"

And the Good Doctor says,

"Now, now, calm down. You will just have to learn to be a little patient."

Cheers, Michael