The interviewer asked an old man on his 99th birthday the secrets to his longevity. He replied, "For better digestion I drink beer. In case of appetite loss I drink white wine. In case of low blood pressure I drink red wine. In the event of high blood pressure I drink whiskey. When I have a cold I drink scotch.”
The interviewer was amazed and inquired, "When do you drink water?"
"I don't." he responded, "I've never been that sick."
Michael from Down Under
Doctor: "Do any of your family members suffer from Insanity?"
Patient: "No doctor, most of them are quite happy with it."
"Doctor, Doctor, My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film! "
"Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops."
This Guy goes to his Doctor and says:
"Doctor, doctor, I am really worried! I think I have broken my arm in several places. I need your advice. What should I do?"
And the Good Doctor says:
"I strongly urge you not to go back to those places".
This guy goes to the Doctor and says,
"Doctor, doctor, I am really worried, I am shrinking! I am getting smaller each and every day, you have to help me!"
And the Good Doctor says,
"Now, now, calm down. You will just have to learn to be a little patient."
DO NOT .. i repeat DO NOT, EVER put raw, undiluted garlic juice into your ear. I've had an ear infection for most of today, experiencing the normal agony [i've had maybe thirty of these damn infections over the years] and decided that i'd give the garlic juice a try. So i finely chopped seven cloves of garlic, stuck them into a large, plastic syringe [no needle!], put the end of the syringe into my ear and pushed the plunger. I hesitate to call it a plunger, I feel somewhat more inclined to call it a "detonator"; for at that moment the pain in my ear can only be described as... indescribable. I've had broken bones which hurt less than this. I've passed kidney stones which were positively comfortable compared with the insane, unimagineable combination of white-hot blowtorch to the entire right hand side of my face, and dynamite-coated road-drill intent on making a rather large impression/hole on my ear drum. I ran around the room desperately seeking some kind of cure for my newly acquired, self-inflicted facedeath, and in an insane panic managed to: 1: take four pain killers. 2: squirt cold water into my earhole and 3: place a nicotine patch over my ear. I'm not entirely sure what inspired the third choice, but in my insane stupor i think my brain somehow associated nicotine patches with stress/pain relief, so in a cloudy haze of bewildering desperation and nonsensical panic, i slapped 21mg of nicotinell over my earhole.
In a nutshell, it hurts. Don't do it. If you do do it, film it, put it on youtube.
I went to my Doctor last week and I asked him, "Do you have anything for wind"?
He gave me a kite!
Video: Merry Heart
Laughter as a medicine section is filled with canker sore remedies, maybe that is punch line to make us laugh. I had trouble laughing until I had kids and then the dams busted open. I also started to read a lot of books after I had kids. I would go to the library because my spouse loves to read. He always read books to the kids and his parent's home was filled with shelves full of books. My dentist always told me I should do stand up comedy and I told him if I need to be this stressed out to be funny, I don't think that would be good for my health. I am not that funny. I am more of a realist. Living in a lie is not really living for me. Anyway. Back to the library. I saw this book, Close encounters of the God kind. I read that book and it changed what I thought about a lot of things. This clip is by the author, nothing about his encounter but his sense of humor. I think you will laugh and maybe go to youtube and watch his testimony on his trip to heaven in 88.
I notice that you have a "Humour Section" at Earth Clinic.
A great U tube video is by the "Two Ronnies" (British Comedians; Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbet) entitled "How to Care for the Sick". Wonderful 1970s stuff as long as you are not too politically correct. Another one is "Doctor Death" also featuring the Two Ronnies. "Indian Cooking" is hilarious too. Enjoy! Laughter is good for you.
Search for: Laughing babies on YT and y'can't stay stressed out. Works for me every time.
Cayenne pepper for headache
First of all, I'd like to give praise to Earth Clinic for such a fabulous website! I have tried many remedies from the site and they ALL worked...with the exception of the cayenne pepper for my headache! I had a headache behind my left eye and decided I'd snort some of the pepper as I'd read that it cured many a headache. Not too familiar with snorting foreign substances up my nose, I wasn't sure how to do it. So I grabbed a spoon, dug out some pepper (mistake number one) and sniffed. My first thought was that the synapses in my brain were misfiring when I decided to try this method. My second thought was that I wondered if this is how it felt to stick a blowtorch up my nostril and light it. Before I looked in the mirror, I seriously wondered if my left eyeball had shrunk to the size of a raisin and fallen into my now empty eye socket. (It hadn't...my eyeball, albeit on fire, was thankfully intact)! In my haste to grab a tissue and blow this fireball out of my nose, I ran into the open cupboard door (this REALLY happened)and smacked myself square on the forehead...(mistake number two). After a minute or twenty, the pervasive burning had dissipated, but a new, equally as fun sensation was happening....the cayenne was dripping from my nasal cavity into my throat. For pete's sake, I was now TASTING the pepper! I drank a tall glass of water and decided that i had had it....and took an ibuprofen. Unfortunately, the cayenne did not take my headache away. Although, who knows what would have happened had I not ran headfirst into the cupboard! So, this will be my very first "Nay" post on the site...with a gentle reminder that if you decide to try it, do NOT use more than a teensy bit of cayenne and for the love of God, shut all cupboard doors FIRST!
I like the baby goats in pajamas - they crack me up!
Had a hearty laugh at this one! LOL Certainly hope your headache FINALLY went away!
I know that hurt you and I'm sorry. I will not go into my personal experience. But you should put that excerpt in a diary for your kids some day. That made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to die. The nicotine patch and your writing voice are genius. <3
A Quote from"The Two Ronnies":-
"And in a packed show tonight, we'll be talking to an out-of-work contortionist who can no longer make ends meet".
(P.S. Any advice to assist him/her?)
And Corporal Clappy is not a happy chappy. Still, you can't be a saint with his complaint. No, nobody similes with piles. Still, it's worse for the nurse.
From Barmy Army
Psychiatrist (to Patient lying on couch): "Now you must be completely open and honest with me if I am to help you lead a better life. What seems to be troubling you?"
Patient: "Doctor, I have this insatiable urge and compulsion to eat cocktail glasses. I just can't help myself."
Psychiatrist: "Oh my goodness, what, you eat the whole glass?"
Patient: "Yes the whole thing. Oh, except for the stems of course! "
Psychiatrist: "Oh dear, you really ought to try them. They're the best part."
Doctor: "Nurse Jones, did you take this Patient's temperature?"
Nurse Jones: "No Doctor. Why? Is it missing?"
If you enjoy doing cross-word puzzles, or even if you don't and enjoy a really good laugh, you should watch the "Two Ronnies-Crossword Puzzle" in a train strutting their stuff. Maybe it's just me and my "Old School Humour" but I think they are hilarious!
Cheers from Michael
Video: Alain's Picks
Here a few short films that may bring some smiles. :)
I hope you like them.
Dancing ... or Where the Hell is Matt (2008)
... Dancing 2006 Outtakes
Where the Hell is Afunakwa?
Dancing with the Huli Wigmen
The main videos can be downloaded from
Also, Bodhisattva in metro (had already been posted by EC before)
These are fantastic! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Video: Powerpoint Presentation
Another one from Career Builders. Hilarious!